I awoke at around 7-7:30am this morning; exactly one year to the hour that you passed away mum. Something felt very different. My first thought was that "today is the first anniversary of mum's death" which was to be expected I suppose. What felt different to me was that you no longer seemed so close to me. I can't explain the feeling but it was like you'd decided to move on. I've felt you near me all the time ever since that last goodbye, that last kiss, that last hug but today you seemed far away. I hope you have moved on mum because I feel that you needed to stay close to watch over me during the last traumatic twelve months, probably worrying about me and all the work you'd left for me to do but now that my task is nearing completion I'm sure you feel that I will be alright. I have grown stronger this last year mum, although at times I really don't know how I coped and I'm finally getting my health sorted out....yes I've been to my gp and yes he has found something seriously wrong with me but it can be managed with drugs that I must take for the rest of my life. I think you knew I needed medical help and had neglected my own health putting your needs before my own. So now you don't need to worry about me anymore as I'm getting myself sorted. I visited your grave today and laid a wreath of daffodils to commemorate the first year without you, I was surprised to see that the daffodils I placed on your grave for your birthday are still as fresh and beautiful as the day I placed them there, how did you do that? I expected to throw them away but they looked perfect, especially with the wreath so I left them there for you to enjoy. I promise I will get your grave finished as soon as I possibly can mum, I've made a start and chosen a beautiful kerb set for you, I just need to decide on the wording to put on your headstone....maybe you can give me an idea of what you would like? I'm still grieving for you mum, I think I always will and I miss you so very much. I will love you forever. xxxx